Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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