Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
