Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
