I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
