Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
