If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
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