North Korea, Best Korea!
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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