I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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