My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
