Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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