quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
