He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
