So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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