so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
