Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
