I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
