Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize