I am in a vortex of obligation.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
