Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
