yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
