a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
