dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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