I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
