I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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