a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize