how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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