Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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