sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
