Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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