Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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