O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
