Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
