Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
