Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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