PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
