Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
