Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
