Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
