I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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