There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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