Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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