I must be too annoying 4 u.
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Plan B is the new Plan A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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