I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
