weddingsv make me drug and hornr
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
