So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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