Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
