i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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