I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
smell my finger.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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