Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
