Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need moral support for this bender
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
