Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
