I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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