THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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