I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
