I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
