Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need a beard to bite.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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