i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
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I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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