Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
