Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
