You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just want to make out with him forever
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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