You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
