My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're breaking my sexual little heart
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
