I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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