Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
