I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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