I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
