the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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