I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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